Our pastor has been doing a series called "Ripple" that focuses on how our ability to love others can cause a ripple effect in our lives, in our families, in our communities, and in the world.
I have thought about love a lot over the years. There have been two main areas of focus on love. The first is the 'love chapter ' - 1 Corinthians 13 - where Paul details God's definition of what love is:
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. (1 Corinthians 13:4-8)
Paul makes it clear that love is not a feeling ("I think I love this person because he/she makes me feel all squishy inside.") or something that just happens ("I have fallen in love with him/her."). Paul makes it clear that love is consistent, difficult, behavior that makes us get our hands dirty in our relationships, that makes us sweaty from the work required, that challenges us to stretch our commitment to someone beyond what seems rational to the world.
Love perseveres, never fails - I love that Paul ended his definition of love that way. In the mid-1980's there was a secular study done where 600 couples were interviewed. All 600 couples said they were very unhappy in their marriage relationships and many were seriously contemplating divorce. Five years later the researchers contacted the 600 couples again. Many had divorced, but a sizable number of couples were still married. Of those who divorced, almost 80% said they were still very unhappy in their relationships, even if they married again. Of those still married, over 80% said they were very happy in their marriages now, even though they were very unhappy five years ago.
The researchers focused on those who were still married and happy now to see if they could find a common variable that explained the change in how they felt about their marriage. Some had family support, and others didn't. Some received counseling and others didn't. Some worked on their relationships through structured marriage programs and many didn't. And on and on. At the end of the study the conclusion was that only variable that was consistent among all the couples who were now happy in their relationship was: they did not give up - they persevered.
Betty and I have learned through our own marriage and the many couples we have counseled over the years how important perseverance is -- you just can't give up. Love never fails, but sometimes it takes hard work for love to break through the barriers we put up in our relationships.
The second area I have focused on is related to 1 Corinthians 13. Paul's list is exhaustive and it makes me wonder how in the world can I love Betty like that - patient, kind, etc., etc.?
God helped me understand the how when he lead me to think about this verse:
4 comments:
A loud Amen. There was a time we were unhappy, struggling in our marriage and we perservered and we are now very happy. Very happy and content and in love. A secret to a good marriage is like the secret to finishing a marathon, don't quit. That last sentence was from Mark, he ran a marathon, not me, I only watched.
Love is the best of times and pulls us through the worst of times..
Thanks for you insights.
I was sooooo mad when I first came across the concept that love wasn't a feeling ~ but with age comes more wisdom. Even if it is only a tiny bit. :)
Bob encouraged me to read your blog for Sunday. YES! YES! Having just passed our 40th wedding anniversary I can't agreed with you more. God is so good to show up when we persevere, trying to serve Him first and then the ones closest to us and then the rest of the world. Thanks for the reminder, Dan.
Post a Comment